What if you arrive unexpectedly?

Dear Baby,

I am only 20. In other words, I cannot have you now.

The current topic of hot debate in many parts of the world is about termination of pregnancy, it’s ethics and implications. You might wonder the first letter your mother ever wrote to you was about this disheartening subject. It happens, and it has to be discussed right now, because where else to start other than the minute you are created?

Say I got pregnant. What would I do? When I seriously pondered the questions, I understood the terrifying nature of the situation. I am in no way grown up enough to raise you, and I certainly have no clue about my own future!

I would have had the following choices:

  1. Terminate, but the level of mental trauma and the depression that would have followed would have been extreme. I am a very emotional and soft woman and I know I could not have borne to lose you, I would have probably followed you right after.
  2. Keep you, but family ditches me. Happens in conservative societies, my love. You and I would have a cold, lonely existence. I would have had to drop out of dental school. Your (possible) father may or may not have support us. That would take it’s own toll on us. But we would still have each other, though our lives would be filled with hardships.
  3. Keep you, but give up for adoption. Now while this seems more humane to a few, the reality is that there are too many children in foster care. And again, would I really go through a whole pregnancy but not end up carrying you home after? I do not think I am mature enough to handle that.
  4. Keep you, boyfriend marries me, family welcomes us. – that has like such a low chance that it is not even worth considering. eesh.

Now you can understand that the real options for a lady like me are 1 or 2. 3 is a definite no, I cannot part with my child like that and 4 is just far fetched.

I will be honest. I have been looking forward to having you ever since I held my godson (your cousin), Jacob and  I can totally imagine is you, cutely snuggled in my arms as you have my father’s eyes and my teeth. I am trying to tell you that I loved you so much before you were even discussed. Your mother is a little conservative. I have been looking forward to going on picnics with you, dressing you up, playing crafts with you and what not.

I do not know  what my choice will be to be honest, baby. It depends on a lot. But now that  I seriously thought about it, I realized that both of those choices are hard on a woman who is unprepared. I realized that it takes a tremendous amount of courage, bravery and strength to go through those, any of those two. And we should be supporting both of these women instead of pitting them against each other.

If you are a boy, and you were to grow older and get your girlfriend pregnant when you are both not ready, I want to know that I expect you to respect her choice and hold her hand as she goes through it. I know you will also be extremely affected by either of the choice, because you are MY son and you will be at least a little bit as emotional as I am. And during those moments, I will hold your hand and tell that it’s okay.

But if you take advantage of a girl in a vulnerable situation, apply “game” or gaslight her, you will be no son of mine and I will consider you dead and gone.

If you are a girl, and you are in this situation, I want you to know that your parents will fully support you in taking the right decision and helping you through it. You might have to make a sacrifice or two, but at the end, it will all be okay and that is all that matters.

I am ashamed at the way women are fighting without any grace or class. I would love it if y’all learnt to support your kind, and not call each other names and other nasty, unwarranted expletives.

And as for you, when you enter the world, you will welcomed by me, your father and ecstatic grandparents because we understand actions and consequences. By the time you arrive, I hope people get the support system they need and deserve.